Shirokoi Sakura Gram (白恋サクラ＊グラム) Review

Last year there was one insanely good game I recommended hard: Haruoto Alice＊Gram.

This year it got a sequel, Hakuai Sakura＊Gram. After finishing it I looked up at the stars and felt a whole lot of ripples in my chest. People always call Japan the “Warring States period of eroge” — every company dives into the fray, blood and guts everywhere, trying every trick in the book to survive and sell copies, and still taking heavy casualties.

While every other studio was racking its brains over how to make otaku open their wallets, the great Nanawind did not let me down. Hakuai Sakura＊Gram is a satisfying answer sheet.

An eroge has to sell to survive, and Hakuai Sakura＊Gram is a runaway commercial success. Hell, it’s a textbook success.

First let’s look at this: for a game — an eroge — to sell well, the crucial thing is to win that first wave of launch sales. Once the first wave is gone, basically nobody buys it anymore and you can wait for a discount.

To boost that first wave you absolutely need limited first-press bonuses, and you also need to expand the game’s reach so more fat otaku see it, learn how many H-CGs it has, and know exactly how fappable it is.

So what do we see? Hakuai Sakura＊Gram’s marketing was relentless. Never mind banners on every site — when I went to Nipponbashi in Osaka, every TV in the Animate was playing the Hakuai Sakura＊Gram OP. That’s how hard they pushed it.

Beyond opening up the marketing, Hakuai Sakura＊Gram also poured effort into the game’s clout. We all remember Haruoto Alice＊Gram’s story… What? You don’t? Oh right, neither do I. Whatever. Point is, Haruoto Alice＊Gram was a game with a gigantic script — even after finishing it, hardly anyone could tell you what it was actually about — and precisely because of that, the sequel had infinite room for imagination. The main game had that much volume, those sick setups, that many H-CGs, and tits that big, and now the sequel arrives with a cover that exposed, telling you outright: “foreplay’s over, main course is here.”

Having hooked the players’ desire, the release date gave everyone even more to look forward to. The game got pushed back again and again, mostly “to finely polish quality,” which conjures a scene of a fat otaku hunched over his desk all night, filing and sanding a prototype onahole with a rasp. And the crowning touch: after all that meticulous crafting, they released not a single demo or trial version — which cranked everyone’s appetite even higher. A masterpiece was right there in front of you, and all it took was a mere 9,500 yen to own it. Sure, you couldn’t understand the previous game, but this one was definitely the “answer arc” — one great Ending would be enough to hoist the whole series onto Getchu’s story throne. Even Karory-sensei’s Yume to Iro de Dekiteiru is a little brother next to this.

So with that barrage of promotion, the content appeal, and a cover that set imaginations running, the game drew massive attention. At minimum, anyone who bought Haruoto Alice＊Gram would buy it, and anyone who hadn’t would pick up Haruoto Alice＊Gram too to catch up.

And just like that, a monthly bestseller was born.

And that’s all I have to say. Remember to click the ads, see you around… bye…

What? You want to know how the game itself is? Hey bro! We’re talking about the most commercially successful game. Nobody said anything about quality. “Commercial success” means selling the game — that’s it, done. Whether you play it after buying… Japanese otaku just Ctrl through eroge to look at the CGs anyway. Who the hell reads the story, lol.

And even if you wanted to read the story…

Hakuai Sakura＊Gram doesn’t have much of a story to read.

Hakuai Sakura＊Gram is split into two parts, Sakura Gram and Alice Gram. You might think you should go read Alice Gram and assume it’s the previous game’s “answer arc.” You’re dreaming, friend. Alice Gram is literally the entire Haruoto Alice＊Gram game. Yes — Hakuai Sakura＊Gram contains the full previous game, and all the new content is in Sakura Gram.

So what’s in Sakura Gram?

H-CGs!

Each heroine gets an After Story about 30 minutes long (two H-CGs per character). Finish an After Story and you unlock a 15-minute Short Story (two H-CGs per character). Unlock all the After Stories and you get an Another Story around 20 minutes long (two H-CGs per character). What any of these stories are actually about, I honestly couldn’t tell you — just simple talking and H-CGs, with some characters showing up out of nowhere.

Maybe you’re a high-minded eroge player and this “stuffed with H-CGs” business disappoints you. Well, the game does have core story content: the story between the protagonist and the two male side characters!

This story is the heart of the whole game — it’s about how the two male side characters express their displeasure by shielding the ball Henry-style on the soccer field and beating the protagonist up. There’s a bit of a meta-game feel to it, an innovation Max moment.

After countless H-CGs and scattered After, Short, and Another Stories, the game reaches its end. Maybe you’re still hungry, but that’s fine — the company will send you new APPEND stories via patches: still a 15-minute Short Story with two H-CGs, so no week leaves you lonely.

See? You thought Hakuai Sakura＊Gram was just a DLC purchase? You bought a subscription service! As long as Nanawind doesn’t go under, they might keep pushing APPEND updates and H-CGs at you until the end of time!

And don’t forget — the Hakuai Sakura＊Gram OP isn’t even included in the game. Maybe they’ll push that to you via APPEND too? Best of all, the game is no longer encrypted, a festival for the wari-gui crowd — no more needing 300 mysterious points to play it.

So yeah, Hakuai Sakura＊Gram is well deserving of the year’s most successful commercial game. 200MB of game assets sold at a 9,500 yen price tag — this belongs in a Japanese eroge sales textbook.

Think it over and it’s a finely tuned product aimed at the Japanese eroge market:

• Buyers only look at H-CGs, not the story, so we stuff it full of H-CGs, including the cover
• Buyers only look at art, not substance, so we bring in Nanao and Takanana to draw the big tits
• Buyers can’t be bothered to find out how good the game is, so we plaster ads all over the stores and give you no demo until you pay
• Buyers are all in it for the bonuses, so just make the bonuses some big H-CGs; the games get resold secondhand anyway

As for the people complaining the story’s bad… they’re a minority, they can’t make a ripple on ErogameScape. Everyone laughs at poverty but not at prostitution — only with this money can we properly develop the next game. Nostalgia doesn’t pay the bills and it can’t shoot the moon, so this is how Nanawind survives.

If it doesn’t survive, that’s not Nanawind’s fault — it’s otaku staring at big tits and ignoring quality. The industry’s in a slump; if it dies, it dies. Finally, here’s the teacher’s own words from the game: just be an honest Hardcore otaku who pays up the moment he sees a girl.

All in all, if you’re the kind of sleazy otaku who yells “my waifu” the moment you see big breasts, says “buy buy buy” at the sight of a Sendai auntie, can’t control your dick at the sight of an H-CG, and reposts “I love her” whenever a big sister type shows up — the kind with the long hair and the Xiangxi accent — this game was probably made for you.

Oh, and as for what Nanawind was actually doing during all those delays… I’ve racked my brain and come up empty. If anyone has a hint, let me know.