Oniichan, Kiss no Junbi wa Mada desu ka (お兄ちゃん、キッスの準備はまだですか) Review

When Onii-chan, Kiss no Junbi wa Mada desu ka came out, it looked hella familiar. First off, the title has the exact same sentence pattern as Onii-chan, Migite no Shiyou o Kinshi Shimasu. Looked it up—same planner, same artist in the mix, plenty of the same voice actors too. Only the company’s different. I remember Galette’s siscon series… oh wait, family series—the next one was supposed to be Onii-chan Teacher, but Onii-chan, Kiss no Junbi wa Mada desu ka is by Tinkle Position. Yeah, say that company name in katakana and you’re dangerously close to “chinbo.” Their mascot is literally a yellow dick with a smiley face. The promo and premise gave me massive déjà vu—it’s basically the head-pat gimmick from Onii-chan Teacher but with kissing. So I played it out of curiosity. Not because of the premise or content. Trust me.

So how is it? All I can say is this game made me start reflecting on my life.

The premise is dumb as rocks. Right off the bat, the protagonist is named “Onii-chan.” Yes, the male lead doesn’t even have a goddamn name. You can change what he’s called in the settings, but everyone in the game still calls you Onii-chan. Even your mom calls you Onii-chan. By the way, the mom is a kissing maniac—constantly making out with everyone. So under her influence, the protagonist and his harem of sisters have to kiss constantly. Kiss when you wake up, kiss before you leave, kiss when you get home, kiss before bed, kiss before meals. In short, the daily life between the protagonist and his sisters is just endless kiss kiss kiss kiss kiss, exactly like the OP lyrics say—kissing forever.

Of course, the title tells you it’s all about kissing. And they even found a way to make it a gimmick, you know?

Tinkle Position said in the promo that this game is best played on a tablet. Why? Because when you have to kiss a sister, you tap her mouth on the screen to simulate the kiss. They said, all meaningfully, “as long as you can tap it,” and even recorded a kiss demo video, with their mascot next to it—that yellow cock. The cock has a smile and wobbles, as if telling you there are other ways to play. As if saying any body part works as long as it touches the screen. Fingers work, so other parts must too…

Don’t overthink it. I just meant you can kiss with your own mouth. I’m not telling you to touch it with that mascot thing. Not at all.

Overall, this is a game for ugly siscons with maximum immersion. It’s all sisters, they all call you onii-chan, and the protagonist’s presence is diluted to nothing. Every day you practice kissing with your sisters, and every time you have to do it yourself instead of watching some dude with your name on him have all the fun through the screen.

That’s how it should be…

But as the ancients said, everything in moderation…

Onii-chan, Kiss no Junbi wa Mada desu ka goes way overboard.

First, there’s almost no story. Every day the protagonist wakes up and makes out with his sisters. No school, no basic skits. Sister wakes you up wanting a kiss—you kiss. Meal time—kiss. Bathroom—kiss. Et cetera, et cetera…

At first you might scream “I’m so hyped” and lick the screen, but you quickly realize the game makes you kiss every five minutes, and you can’t skip any of the four sisters—some even need two kisses. At that goddamn frequency, are you sure you still want to do it yourself?

The most fucked-up part: all the choices in this game are made by kissing, and it’s super fucking subtle. I kissed over 20 times before I realized you can actually choose who to kiss. Too late—I was already locked into a route.

And I felt nothing about it. For a visual novel, entering a route without knowing whose it is, and I felt nothing! That’s normal, because in Onii-chan, Kiss no Junbi wa Mada desu ka, all four sisters are the same. Every conversation follows the same pattern, occasional expression differences, but otherwise identical… Okay, the kissing looks a little different, but you wouldn’t notice. The homogeneity is so severe that after one route I couldn’t even remember their names. Checked the official site—the sisters do have surnames, but who gives a shit? I already forgot if the game even mentioned them…

The only heroine with any personality that stands out is Haha. This one…

Honestly, when I first saw her I thought she was a little cousin or something. The name “Haha” didn’t register—I figured it was just a name. You see weird names everywhere, so whatever. Then mid-conversation, this loli who was just calling the protagonist onii-chan suddenly says she’s his mom…

Holy shit… I was shocked.

Then when I found out this mom isn’t even a romanceable heroine, I was like, bruh.

So this game is just… boring as hell story, bland character designs, endless kissing, and the only memorable heroine is your mom, who you can’t even bang. Planner, come out and apologize to Freud!

After “accidentally stumbling into some heroine’s route,” I realized the story still wasn’t over. The daily kiss-kiss-kiss just kept going. As someone playing on a tablet, I moved my tapping finger to the center of the screen just in case the game suddenly tells me I missed a kiss and I get a BAD END. I got curious—how many kisses until this thing ends? So I looked up a guide…

Oh my god. With that kissing frequency, won’t the protagonist’s lips turn inside out? And the player has to keep pace with him? Are you kidding me? My finger’s about to fall off from tapping the screen!

If the earlier Onii-chan, Migite no Shiyou o Kinshi Shimasu at least had some comedy, and the later Onii-chan Teacher had distinct characters with different moe points, then Onii-chan, Kiss no Junbi wa Mada desu ka is nothing but endless kissing. I can’t even remember the story. As a siscon—no, as someone who studies the “siscon” phenomenon—can I tolerate this attitude that treats players like idiots? And the protagonist’s presence is so weak, yet he wears a shirt that says “I Love My Sister’s.” That’s a fucking grammatical error! It hurts to look at!

Watching the protagonist achieve happiness with his sister through the “endless kissing, average 10+ times a day” method, and the sister says she feels lonely thinking he’ll only bang her—my anger suddenly turned to sadness.

They say anger surges like a tide, but sadness flows against the river. Playing this game is just like my life.