Impressions: Amazon Fire Phone Original Earphones

As a total novice in the audiophile mysticism scene, I inevitably had to go consult a master.

So I tracked down Wu Lao Er. Wu Lao Er is the ultimate veteran audiophile — he knows more mystical buzzwords than TFBoys has released singles.

I asked Wu Lao Er if he could recommend any earphones, preferably comfortable ones, for lying in bed.

“Xiaomi Circle Iron.” Wu Lao Er didn’t even hesitate. “Xiaomi Circle Iron, the ultimate endgame pair. Buy it and you’ll be as free of worldly desires as I am… oh right, what do you listen to?”

“I don’t really listen to music. I’m mainly buying them to listen to eroge.”

“Then you should want the Xiaomi Circle Iron even more!” Wu Lao Er’s voice went up. “The Xiaomi Circle Iron… the vocals are forward, the mouth shapes are big, sibilance is low, the soundstage is wide but controlled, the mids are fairly tight, leans warm, and there’s a whiff of rosin to it. Perfect for a vocals person like you.”

“But my budget is only… 20 yuan.”

“What the hell are you gonna buy with 20 yuan, you dumbass? You gotta add some money!”

“Then… budget 50?”

“50 and you’ve got the nerve to say you’re into audiophile mysticism?”

“Then… I’ll add another 20, 70?”

“Holy shit, can’t you raise your level a bit?” Wu Lao Er was getting impatient.

“Then… 90?”

“I’m not talking to a lowlife like you anymore.” Wu Lao Er started to leave.

“100! 100! Any more and I’m broke!”

“Ha… there we go. 100 budget, right? Buy the Xiaomi Circle Iron, 99 yuan, and you’ve got change left — enough to buy me a bottle of water or something.”

“But… I can’t get one…”

“Hmm… that is a problem.” Wu Lao Er sank into thought, then suddenly clapped his hands. “Then why not pay a markup on Taobao… it’s only 120, you’re already adding that much, might as well add a bit more.”

“But… are the ones on Taobao even real?”

“Damn it, can’t you have some standards? Of course they’re real, my Xiaomi Circle Iron came from Taobao!” Wu Lao Er beamed with pride.

“Ugh… too expensive… my budget was 20, and now it’s up to 120, that’s too much.”

“See, this is why lowlifes like you can’t do audiophile mysticism.” Wu Lao Er turned and walked off. “Goddamn idiot, too low. Talking to someone this low actually dirties my Xiaomi Mi Band.”

Watching Wu Lao Er’s departing back, I had no choice but to search Taobao for 20-yuan earphones. Persistence paid off: I found a pair in OK’s shop for 18 yuan — Amazon Fire Phone original earphones. Cheap, an Earpod clone, and they even had magnets!

They arrived pretty fast. The box was about as cheap as it gets…

The earphones looked just as expected. The key selling point was the magnets, though I found I had no use for them whatsoever…

And the magnets look ugly.

They show clear traces of copying the Earpod, but not as deep.

Still, up close they’re actually pretty nicely made — it’s even piano-black style. Supposedly piano black is really trendy these days.

I didn’t listen to music. I went straight to voice tracks / Galgames / podcasts (definitely not some idiot princess’s show). How did they feel… the tuning direction is the same as the Earpod, bottom-heavy, or rather even more so — boom boom thump thump…

No wonder so many people say these sound good. For a lot of people, boom boom thump thump is good sound.

Luckily, when there’s no bass, the mids are still acceptable — fine for listening to broadcasts. Fit isn’t better than the Earpod, since it goes in shallow, but it has one obvious advantage over the Earpod:

It has flat cables.

All in all, for 18 yuan, an earphone that:

1. Tunes about like the Earpod, acceptable when there’s no bass.
2. Has 70% of the Earpod’s fit, crushing comparable earbuds and IEMs (as sleep earphones).
3. Has magnets.
4. Has flat cables.

is pretty much a steal. Worth buying to leave by the bedside.

Of course, at the end of the day, it still can’t beat audiophile master Wu Lao Er’s Xiaomi Circle Iron.