Pure Marriage ~Akai Ito Monogatari~ Serika Hen (Pure Marriage ～赤い糸物語～セリカ編) Review

Lao Wu, 30 years old, is a total loser.

Lao Wu is a high school classmate of mine. His defining trait: horny as hell, but too chicken to do anything about it. In my limited memory of him, what stands out most is him in class flipping through a porn magazine so worn out it was falling apart, gleefully reminiscing about his sexual exploits.

Bragging about having a sex life in high school—that’s a hell of a flex. Absolutely goated.

High school in China and high school in a Japanese Galgame are two different worlds. Most people don’t even have a girlfriend. Sex? Out of reach.

Back then I looked up to Lao Wu, but thinking about it now, I was just too naive. Because the way Lao Wu acted in high school was nothing like someone who was getting laid.

How should I put it—aside from flipping through his dirty books, one of his favorite hobbies was lying on the balcony railing checking out girls.

A girl transferred into the class next door. Long black hair, liked to dress up, a bit aloof and cold. And this was high school—daring to wear that plaid skirt uniform style, showing off pale thighs and zettai ryouiki. She was ahead of her time. Anyone who saw her couldn’t help but get a little hard just to show their appreciation, right?

Ever since Lao Wu spotted that girl from the next class, he thought about her every day, muttered about her constantly, like she was already his girl.

When he couldn’t see her, Lao Wu would sit at his desk, lean against the wall, cross one leg, and start slapping his knee with his free hand while belting out a song:

I want a big house~ With huge floor-to-ceiling windows~ Sunlight spilling on the floor~ Warming up my blanket too~ I want a big house~ With a big bed inside~ And on the bed lies Xiao Jianan~ Legs spread wide in an M shape~ Yeah~ Yeah~ Yeah~

By the way, “Xiao Jianan” was that girl’s name. Once she came to our class to borrow earphones—my Sennheiser MX500 got borrowed. Lao Wu found me and protested:

“Xiao Nan is mine! Don’t you dare go after her!”

And I offered my response to this perfectly reasonable demand:

“Fuck off!”

After that Lao Wu sat back down without a word.

Later the earphones got returned, and Lao Wu came back.

“Give me the earphones.” “What for?” “Let me feel them. Something Xiao Nan wore.” “You’re fucking disgusting.”

I refused. Lao Wu scratched his head, and a plan formed.

“What if I buy them from you at full price?” “Sure!” “How much were they?” “Bought on TomPDA, 150.” “Holy shit, 150 for a damn pair of earphones? Are you robbing me? 15 bucks, not a cent more!” “15 my ass, get out of here!”

The deal never happened.

After that, Lao Wu still spent every day after class drooling at the window, gazing up at the girl from the next class, spit dripping down the window ledge.

“Hehe, pretty, hehehe~ so pretty!”

That look is exactly the same as Cola these days drooling over black tights on social media.

But time passes, and now Lao Wu is married.

Before marriage, Lao Wu’s romantic history was rich and eventful. I could write fifty thousand words about it if I wanted, enough to make a sitcom on par with “Dick Talks to Girls.”

But that’s not what I’m talking about today. I’m talking about Lao Wu coming to me for relationship advice a few days ago.

It was a bright afternoon. Lao Wu messaged me on WeChat:

“I might be about to cheat.”

Honestly, a horny guy like Lao Wu cheating isn’t a big deal. You saw how he was in high school—can’t move when he sees a pretty girl. And of course he only cheats in his mouth; all talk, no guts. Him suddenly telling me this means something really stupid must have happened.

“What? Some married woman seduced you?”

“Something like that.”

Lao Wu’s lukewarm attitude just bored me, so I played along. But as we talked, he wouldn’t shut up.

“A few days ago, a girl added me on WeChat. Actually she got the wrong person. But she said since she added the wrong person it must be fate, we could get to know each other as friends. And it turns out she really gets me—gentle, virtuous, understanding. I’m married, but chatting with her is enjoyable. Her social media is full of zest for life too, she cooks, does housework. She’s basically the perfect girl…”

“Wait wait wait… are you sure this isn’t a scammer?”

“No! You know those WeChat scammers—can you imagine one with zero ads on their feed? She has none! So pure, so innocent. My heart was bleeding when I told her I wasn’t married.”

“You… told her you weren’t married?”

“If I told her I was married, would she still chat with me? A proper girl like her would definitely avoid me, right?”

“I mean…” I was curious. Normally this kind of setup screams scammer. “She really hasn’t talked about anything else with you?”

“No. My Lin’er only ever talks to me about her feelings. We’ve talked about life, about dreams… about…”

“Okay okay okay, talk about whatever you want with her. I think she’s either selling insurance, selling funds, or selling tea.”

“Impossible! Would a tea seller chat with me for a month without getting to the point?”

“Jesus…”

Honestly I was suspicious too. People add me on WeChat all the time, some even know who I am, but most have ads as their profile pic and ads all over their feed. A month of normal conversation like this—could Lao Wu have actually met his destined one?

“Then just keep chatting with your ‘Lin’er.’ Just be careful she’s not a bar hostess or insurance seller.”

“You haven’t answered my question yet.”

“What question?”

“Should I say goodbye to my current wife and be with Lin’er?”

“Not my problem.”

I stopped responding to Lao Wu. The next time he contacted me was half a month later.

“Lin’er and her Stanford boyfriend broke up~”

“What??? Stanford? You sure it’s not some Stanford Technical School in China?”

“No, Lin’er is heartbroken. I think I should comfort her.”

“How?”

“I should go see her!”

“Go, go!”

Another week passed… Lao Wu didn’t mention Lin’er again, so I got curious and asked.

“Did you go see your Lin’er?”

“No, she said she went back to the countryside to visit her grandpa.”

“So how’s the chatting going?”

Lao Wu said nothing, just sent a few screenshots… I burst out laughing…

“Hahahahahaha, so she really is a tea seller! Quick, tell her how beautiful Grandpa’s tea mountain is! Hahahahaha!”

“Didn’t think it was beautiful. Just thought it was expensive.”

“How expensive?”

“Hahahaha you’re actually going to buy it? 2600 per jin? Is this tea or gold?”

“Buy my ass, I was just asking.”

“But didn’t you say you were going to pay on the 20th?”

“Holy shit, this is exactly what I need you for—tell me, does she like me, or does she just want to sell me tea?”

“Holy shit, you still think she likes you?”

“Otherwise why would she chat with me for a month and a half before bringing this up? Maybe she really did go back to see her grandpa?”

So I opened Google and searched, and found some interesting content:

Why are there so many tea sellers on WeChat lately? Anyone know the inside story? https://www.zhihu.com/question/37799726

“Oh hey, check this link—same profile pic as your Lin’er.”

https://www.zhihu.com/question/37799726/answer/240853995

“First she adds the wrong person, then awkward small talk, then a breakup, then off to Grandpa’s tea plantation, and finally she sells you tea. Exactly the same. Oh, and there’s a conversation identical to yours.”

Lao Wu didn’t reply for a long time… I could only keep comforting him.

“Don’t be sad. Just play along with Lin’er’s act till the end. Next step she’ll say she made a bet with her stepmother—remember to support Lin’er’s final sales goal!”

“Fuck off!”

Lao Wu lost it, and afterward he was heartbroken.

“I thought I’d found true love, but in the end she was just a scammer…”

I didn’t bother with Lao Wu anymore, just felt a bit sorry for him. Sure, he’s horny and cowardly, but this time he got played. Maybe if I hadn’t warned him from the start that she was a scammer, he really would’ve bought that 2600-yuan-per-jin tea.

It’s a male instinct to fantasize about and feel pity for soft girls. Everyone thinks they’ll have a romantic encounter—the more single you are, the stronger that feeling. Especially for us otaku, always dreaming of picking up a wife on the street. But there are no wives to pick up on the street. And even if there were, they’d all be tea sellers.

So is there any way to actually pick up a wife on the street?

Yes!!

Play a Galgame!

The infamous Lass—the company that went bankrupt six months ago—has actually revived! And not the main company, but its subsidiary Lass Pixy. The purpose of the revival: to continue the abandoned Pure Marriage Akai Ito Monogatari series.

Actually, the origin of this was explained by Lass’s president on Twitter: Lass was dead, bankruptcy proceedings had started, but Lass’s parent company thought the abandoned Pure Marriage Akai Ito Monogatari series could still make some money. So they gave special permission to keep selling the series—if it sells well, they’ll finish the trilogy; if not, they’ll sell this one and call it quits.

So this game, whose first installment was already pretty dumb, actually got a second release: Pure Marriage Akai Ito Monogatari Serika-hen. As the name suggests, it’s the route of the second heroine, Hirohara Serika.

Honestly, I didn’t think there was much to say about the plot at first—it’s the same as the first game. The protagonist is walking down the street, randomly gets kidnapped by some guy yelling “Marry my daughter right now!”, and suddenly has an engagement thrust upon him. I forget the reason in the first game, but this time it’s because the protagonist is a brave, good person.

Damn, you can get married even after being friend-zoned. The protagonist literally picked up a wife on the street.

And then the plot gets even dumber. Childhood friend gets jealous, little sister gets jealous, three women tear each other apart—and it’s really low-level bickering. But none of it stops the protagonist from getting married. After all, he picked up a wife, and she doesn’t ask him to buy tea. Free is free, right?

So shortly after the protagonist gets married, a few suspicious problems arise.

1. His wife Serika can only move around the house and nearby, can’t go far.
2. His wife keeps a black cat, and the black cat can talk.
3. After having sex with him, his wife seems extremely sexually frustrated.

Then the protagonist’s father-in-law finds out, goes to confess everything, and says if the protagonist regrets it, he can get a divorce.

Married the day before yesterday, considering divorce today. The ups and downs of life are truly thrilling.

So he asks, and the problem is not simple: Serika was born to her father and a succubus in the demon world. What’s a succubus?

A succubus, yeah. Wonder if Serika’s father is a destruction warlock. Serika can’t move around freely because there’s a barrier around the house—going out too much would be dangerous.

What’s so bad about marrying a wife with succubus blood? Basically she needs semen as food and might drain you dry.

The moment the protagonist hears this, he gets hard immediately.

So the game enters a rather obscene phase—every day is nonstop sex, his wife sometimes turns demonic and milks him, and it’s a miracle the protagonist doesn’t die.

In the end, the protagonist has a daughter with succubus blood.

The game ends.

The game itself has no highlights. Even as a nukige it’s not fappable, the CV is terrible. Kyoka, such a great voice actress, doesn’t even get a heroine to voice and can only sing the ED—pretty sad.

I thought Lass might just bounce once and be done, but then their president announced that the Pure Marriage Akai Ito Monogatari series will continue, next up is the little sister chapter.

Hearing that, I was like, what the hell?

“The second game is this shit quality—and people are buying it?”

Maybe Lass has started selling tea too.