Kiss&Crisis Review

Growing up, every one of us ends up watching some… physiological, health-oriented, body-art, stimulating, videotapes.

And among those… physiological, health-oriented, body-art, stimulating, videotapes, the most famous ones besides the female teacher, the flight attendant, and the OL are probably the prosecutor series.

Most prosecutor-series films are about a female cop who, to fight the evil forces of darkness, infiltrates the enemy’s ranks, gets caught, gets tortured and humiliated… oh, sorry, disgraced, and then our unyielding heroine defeats the evil forces and completes her mission or whatever…

Of course, this kind of educational plot isn’t only something you can see performed by Matsushita Saeko on videotape. We’ve also got the so-called “2D version” in the visual novel sphere.

Pure More, a subsidiary of a subsidiary of a subsidiary of the well-known rhythm game developer More, has released the latest entry in the “undercover prosecutor” series, Kiss&Crisis. The premise is “undercover prosecutor”—yes, exactly the kind of “undercover prosecutor” we’re always seeing in those… physiological, health-oriented, body-art, stimulating, videotapes.

And on top of that, it adds a bunch of new ideas…

“Would you sleep with someone for work?”

A thought-provoking question, right? When it comes to work versus chastity, what do you actually need?

Combined with the game’s titillating promotional art, you can probably picture it already: a female prosecutor torn between her body and her career,摇摆 between them for the sake of the job and regional security, finally making a difficult decision—heart-wrenching stuff…

So to properly savor that inner turmoil, I resolutely ditched Matsushita Saeko’s October release and fired up this game first.

But after opening it, I realized I was fucking wrong.

Because that “undercover prosecutor” isn’t the heroine, what the hell…

The protagonist is a man—a prosecutor ordered to infiltrate a foreign trading company. In plain terms, a cop. In Chinese internet terms, an undercover cop.

The head of this Japanese trading company is suspected of funneling funds overseas and is about to sell some secrets to China… So to protect Japan’s national honor, our male protagonist infiltrates the company to gather evidence of its crimes.

After infiltrating, the hero discovers the company’s permissions are insanely strict. As a new hire he’s got basically no access, which is miserable, and it’s hard to hack his way any deeper. If he doesn’t pull some tricks, the mission’s probably not getting done…

So our protagonist decisively takes action: he activates his pickup-artist mode.

First he targets his team leader (female), successfully asks her out, bangs her, and after they’ve got a physical relationship he can get more of her access.

Then he goes after his female boss, female coworkers, even the president’s daughter. The hero is an absolute ikemen killing machine, a one-night-stand prince. If he’s even bagged the president’s daughter, getting top-level access should be a piece of cake, right?

But then the hero spots a familiar face at the company: Kawashima Yayoi.

Who’s Kawashima Yayoi? She’s the hero’s ex-boyfriend… oh, no, ex-girlfriend. Before the hero became a cop, Kawashima Yayoi was already a police officer—and an “undercover prosecutor,” doing the same job he does now.

Later they broke up, and the hero went on to become a cop too, the “undercover prosecutor” kind. His ex-girlfriend Kawashima Yayoi lost contact—rumor had it she was still in the line of work, other rumors said she’d quit.

Now Kawashima Yayoi starts talking to the hero on her own. She doesn’t say she’s still a prosecutor, doesn’t say she quit—just keeps giving off this mysterious vibe. But she lets on that she knows the hero infiltrated to get evidence, and for old times’ sake, she’s willing to help him out.

With Kawashima Yayoi’s help, the hero gets a chance to sneak into the company’s server room.

And right after they get in, one last step from the server, Kawashima Yayoi suddenly gets horny, asks the hero if he likes her, if he still loves her…

The hero of course still loves her—I mean, a hole not fucked is a damn shame—so just as he can’t hold back anymore, the infiltration window ends, alarms go off, and he and Kawashima Yayoi nearly die in the server room. They barely escape.

First infiltration failed, so it’s time for round two.

The second infiltration goes into the president’s office to steal top-secret data directly. But then… our Kawashima Yayoi gets horny again, strips off her latex suit, and asks the hero if he wants a round…

The hero can’t hold back again, they fuck, they miss the optimal intrusion window, and they fucking flee again. Infiltration failed once more.

After the two attempts, the hero basically knows where the important info is and what the passwords are—but something feels off…

Why does Kawashima Yayoi always get horny and ruin everything at the critical moment?

The hero suddenly slaps his dick and gets it!

That night, a dark figure infiltrates the president’s office again. Just as they’re about to steal the data, the hero appears behind them with a gun—and the figure is Kawashima Yayoi.

So Kawashima Yayoi is a spy too, also infiltrating, also after the data. She’s just not with the same agency as the hero—she works for another intelligence department. Her help was a lie; she was using the hero to get there first.

That’s why every time the hero was about to succeed, Kawashima Yayoi would get in the way—waiting for him to step on all the landmines so she could grab the prize herself.

The hero is furious and asks his ex-girlfriend Kawashima Yayoi why she did it.

Kawashima Yayoi is calm. She says she was using him, but she also loves him, and hopes he’ll let her off for the sake of her love.

Now there’s a choice: pick the ex-girlfriend or pick the job.

If you pick the ex-girlfriend, Kawashima Yayoi abandons the infiltration and elopes with the hero. Both of them end up wanted by two organizations, and the ending seems to be the two of them heading toward ruin together, dying on the battlefield.

If you pick the job, Kawashima Yayoi immediately turns on you, saying the hero really didn’t fall for it after all, and they start a 1v1 battle. The hero can’t even beat her (so fucking embarrassing), and she takes the data and runs.

Afterward the hero’s mission fails completely, and he never sees Kawashima Yayoi again. He only remembers what she said as she left.

According to a Twitter user, the line is Italian: “Even if we’re far apart, I love you.”

But that doesn’t do any good. The ending is just the hero never seeing his ex-girlfriend again, completely played by her.

So Kiss&Crisis just tells the story of a male cop going undercover in a company on a mission, then getting tangled up in feelings for his ex-girlfriend and having the important intel snatched by her (she’s actually an undercover agent for another organization).

There’s no “choice” or “inner conflict” here—just the hero’s dick that won’t stay in his pants.

Our protagonist has no special talents from the start. In-game he can’t even hack a simple database; everything relies on sleeping with female superiors to get access. The game doesn’t describe much of the infiltration process in detail. The only thing worth mentioning is the “inert gas fire-suppression server room”—that’s got some educational value. Nothing else in the game is interesting.

Like previous Pure More games, this one is probably just a plain nukige. And as a nukige, it doesn’t even tell its story clearly. All we get is fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck…

To say something a bit harsh: those… physiological, health-oriented, body-art, stimulating, videotapes with their undercover prosecutor series are better written than this game. At least those have plot twists. This game has nothing but boring HCGs.

I really liked some of Pure More’s earlier games like Shoujo Activity—they had some artistic style while depicting the erotic content. But this prosecutor game is just a third-rate erotic picture book.

And the game keeps misleading you. You keep thinking the protagonist is female, that the undercover prosecutor is a woman sacrificing herself for intel.

Who the hell would’ve guessed the prosecutor is male? After infiltrating, all you can do is watch the hero fuck his way around while you sit there holding your own limp dick, unable to control yourself.

It’s already 2018, bro! Cola isn’t a virgin anymore, Google Plus is shutting down—have some integrity when making porn games!

Kiss and Crisis? The Kiss is there. Where’s the Crisis? The male prosecutor who can’t control his dick and gets played by his ex-girlfriend?