January 2017 was, all in all, a fever dream.

First, on New Year’s Day, I was bored and sent greetings to everyone. A matchmaking girl who’d kicked me before replied immediately, saying she wanted to meet again and explain a misunderstanding from last time.

When we met, she said it was all a misunderstanding, hoped we could start over as friends, and thought my values were really upright, blah blah blah—basically a bunch of praise. After I got home she kept reaching out, which scared the hell out of me. All I could say was, okay okay, I got it, and then, “I get how you feel, but I’m not sure if I like you, so why don’t we hang out and see…”

Though that line felt weirdly familiar… like someone else had said it before…

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Corona Blossom Vol. 3 finally came out, which means the game that got unceremoniously chopped into three parts has, after Vol. 1 and Vol. 2, finally reached its ending.

Looking back, the content distribution across the three volumes is actually pretty regular: Vol. 1 is Arne coming to Earth, Vol. 2 is the villain showing up, and the last volume is the final showdown (probably).

Vol. 1 is the protagonist meeting a chunk of metal that falls from the sky. The metal is from outer space, turns into a little loli when it hits him, and he names her Arne (R-Ne). Then a bunch of self-proclaimed space pirates show up, saying Arne is their catch and demanding he hand her over.

Vol. 2 is the protagonist befriending the space pirates and discovering they’re not actually that bad. The pirates gradually give up on Arne and become friends with him, and then at the very end the protagonist’s sister suddenly flips, announcing she’s a scientist and that this alien Arne would make great research material.

The villain in Vol. 3 is that same sister, Kanade, who wants to ship the alien Arne off to the lab. She tells the protagonist that with Arne’s alien power, humanity could overcome all sorts of incurable diseases—sacrifice one alien loli and you save all of mankind—and asks him to join her. He refuses, and then it’s teaming up with the space pirates to hold off Kanade while building a rocket, choosing to send Arne back to her homeworld.

The ending is Arne going home, and the protagonist getting married and having kids in that little town, occasionally recalling the summer he met Arne.

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Honestly, I never paid much attention to Kure Ichiro before. It was last year’s Sakuranomori†Dreamers that got me interested in him.

So in under a year, Kure put out another game: Kuraki Toki no Hate Yori (From the End of the Dark Hours), and judging by the promo art, it’s another horror route. For someone who loves ghost stories, that’s a thrill. And last time Kure started strong and fizzled out, but it was still passable in the end — he had to have learned something this time, right? So I started playing.

Playing a horror game in the middle of New Year’s atmosphere — I gotta say, I felt pretty badass.

Finished it. How do I put this… If Sakuranomori†Dreamers was a strong start with a weak finish, this one is… the late-game developments are just too explosive.

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I’d originally planned to take my physics teacher out for Japanese food, but when I drove over the place was closed…

I should’ve figured it out when nobody picked up the phone number listed on Meituan. Miscalculated. And somehow Meituan was still selling group-buy vouchers for the place — should I be snarking that everyone at Meituan is too busy lifting weights and riding bikes?

So we decided on the hot pot place next door.

Once we’d eaten most of the hot pot, my physics teacher started talking about her hobbies.

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Someone once said that in a highly mature market, to raise production efficiency and lower costs, everything gets strictly standardized — even put on an assembly line.

Which is why Japan, that special place where eroge still actually sells, is no exception for something like the visual novel.

Before I started RSS-subscribing to various release sites, I wouldn’t have believed it — turns out there are a shitload of new eroge coming out in Japan every single week. The release lists alone are a sea of stars, like falling into an ocean of porn where one mouthful of semen-flavored seawater chokes you until you feel like you’re drowning in it.

Lots of releases doesn’t mean high quality. Aside from the monthly big releases, most are small productions or just selling pure porn appeal, not much quality to speak of — the kind of thing you play for a bit and move on. It’s like liking horror novels: you can camp out at the bookstore for new releases, or you can wallow in 5ch horror threads chasing web serials. Different taste, different flavor.

But once you’ve seen enough, you start noticing patterns — especially in a market as mature as Japan’s…

Uh… I mean, even for eroge there’s a “basic formula” baked in. Most studios that want to play it safe follow that formula. Sales might not explode, but they sure won’t tank either…

Games like that have passable art, passable voice acting, passable writing, a passable price tag, and end up being a passable eroge…

Which brings us to Koi wa Yumemiru Mouretsu Girl! (恋は夢見る妄烈ガール!) — one of those “about right” eroge.

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I’ve never had hemorrhoids, so I have no idea how much they hurt.

And since I’ve never had them, I don’t really get how you’re supposed to treat them either. Someone told me it’s basically your asshole rotting, and only suppositories will do… okay, maybe that’s crude, but it’s the truth. Internal, external, mixed — I never bothered learning the difference, which is why I’m saying all this: I genuinely don’t know whether a person can shove a suppository up their own butt.

And since I don’t know that, some game premises just leave me lost… like this one, Nukige Imouto ga Ji ni Natta node Zayaku o Irete Yatta Ken (妹が痔になったので座薬を入れてやった件).

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Cooked again. This time it was egg curry.

Calling it egg curry basically means there’s no meat in the curry — the eggs are standing in for it.

Carrot, potato, onion, diced. Then get the green peas ready, the curry, and the eggs.

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I’m pretty sure I’ve said this more than once, but I’ve got a bad habit: I find games by listening to music. This time I stumbled onto the song Octave Rain, thought it was solid… looked it up, turns out it’s a game OP, so I went and grabbed the game…

The game is called PARA-SOL. If your English isn’t terrible, you can tell that PARASOL means sunshade/parasol, so the title literally means “parasol.”

When I downloaded it I wasn’t expecting it to be in Chinese. Fired it up and — holy shit, it’s translated. Didn’t see that coming…

Before playing I checked what Japanese players thought. Most of them said the game “starts out insanely good and then goes insanely stupid later.” In the Chinese community the go-to explanation is more like “I literally have no idea what I just read!”

Plenty of things I don’t understand. I’m the best at reading crazy-people works, so I opened the game without hesitation…

A few days later I finished it… There’s only one route, and I had zero desire to touch a second one…

The reason is simple: it’s way too insane!

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The two discs I picked up at C91 finally arrived. One is the 11th single from the Primary circle, 《イノセンス / Depressing》, and the other is a new single from FROZON QUALIA, 《ARIA》.

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I found this album completely by accident. A while back I followed a link recommended by the socialite Fubuki Hoshino on Google Plus, ended up wandering around SoundCloud, and discovered a whole new world.

SoundCloud really does have a lot of musicians active on it — though of course there are even more music fans. Plenty of remixers and musicians choose to release their work on SoundCloud. Most of it, well… personally I think it’s pretty slapdash, but at the same time there are quite a few tracks with something going for them too.

Most of the remixes and original tracks on SoundCloud are electronically produced music — not everyone can afford to put a band together, after all. That means the music there tends to have a strong beat and a thick electronic flavor. Once you accept that premise it’s actually pretty catchy. I personally found some interesting tracks, like this one by aiobahn — the latest, 永久の宴, is quite distinctive and leans into a flavor that suits Western tastes.

Western listeners call that move where the chorus suddenly drops in a massive bassline to deepen the rhythmic drive Drop the beat. If you look closely you can see in the comments on 永久の宴 just how satisfied the Westerners are with that beat drop…

Of course, SoundCloud isn’t only this boom-tish music. There’s some more Japanese-leaning stuff too, though most of it is still electronic. A few doujin circles attach SoundCloud preview links to their promo pages — that’s another route in.

And that’s where I found this little album, ゆのみっくにお茶して…

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