I figure everyone’s got a dream, but it keeps shifting with age and circumstances. The very first one we ever had—aside from those endless dumbass questions teachers ask, “what do you wanna be when you grow up”—was probably always school-related, deep down. A buddy of mine, Crab Boss, his dream was to open an internet cafe right across from the school. “I’ll open a net cafe right across from school, rig it with the sickest machines, run the sickest membership perks, pull in the sickest kids, and piss off every last one of those dumbass teachers.” Crab Boss really loved hanging out at net cafes back then. Hmm… sometimes he’d drag me along too. Another friend, Tao-san, his dream was to bang every woman on earth.

A long time ago—though looking back now, it wasn’t that long—I was out to dinner with some friends. They asked why I wasn’t looking for a partner. I’d already lost weight, so was I still hung up on that fujoshi who’d toyed with me, or was my orientation just broken? At first I refused to answer. But refusing to answer only makes things worse. Being mistaken for a simp drooling over some crazy bitch, or for a pathetic freak who turned gay because he got dumped—either way, it’s bad news. So I thought about it and gave a careful reply. “Because, uh, I don’t really know how to deal with women. They’re hard to figure out. It’s stressful. And kind of a hassle.” My friend blinked, then burst out laughing.