As a total novice in the audiophile mysticism scene, I inevitably had to go consult a master. So I tracked down Wu Lao Er. Wu Lao Er is the ultimate veteran audiophile — he knows more mystical buzzwords than TFBoys has released singles. I asked Wu Lao Er if he could recommend any earphones, preferably comfortable ones, for lying in bed. “Xiaomi Circle Iron.” Wu Lao Er didn’t even hesitate. “Xiaomi Circle Iron, the ultimate endgame pair. Buy it and you’ll be as free of worldly desires as I am… oh right, what do you listen to?” “I don’t really listen to music. I’m mainly buying them to listen to eroge.” “Then you should want the Xiaomi Circle Iron even more!” Wu Lao Er’s voice went up. “The Xiaomi Circle Iron… the vocals are forward, the mouth shapes are big, sibilance is low, the soundstage is wide but controlled, the mids are fairly tight, leans warm, and there’s a whiff of rosin to it. Perfect for a vocals person like you.” “But my budget is only… 20 yuan.” “What the hell are you gonna buy with 20 yuan, you dumbass? You gotta add some money!”