A long time ago there was this game that blew up because the title was so ridiculous: Onii-chan, You Are Forbidden from Using Your Right Hand (お兄ちゃん 右手の使用を禁止します) It’s a pure siscon game. The protagonist has a name, but his presence is pathetically low. Several sisters orbit around him, and the OP is an absolute earworm. The game sold because it had a gimmick. That’s it.

Kikuzakura is a beautiful girl, with pretty pink hair, fair skin, and a sweet smile. She doesn’t remember her original surname. She doesn’t even know who her parents are. For as long as she can remember she’s lived with her grandmother. “Grandmother” is only the woman who took her in, not real blood relation. Kikuzakura has asked her many times: “Where are my mom and dad?” Grandma always smiles, strokes Kikuzakura’s head, and says slowly: “You’re still young. When you’ve grown up, I’ll tell you.” Time flies. In the blink of an eye Kikuzakura is an adult, eighteen years old. On her eighteenth birthday, after they finish the cake, Grandma gives her a present. The little box is heavy, and she can’t tell what’s inside. Kikuzakura wants to tear it open right away, but Grandma stops her. “After the cake, tonight, in your room. Look at it slowly, by yourself.” Grandma’s expression is full of a kind of helplessness… as if there’s something she can’t say. Kikuzakura nods… ………… An autumn night, cool breeze blowing. Kikuzakura sits at the desk by the window and opens this Pandora’s box. Inside is a notebook… the paper between the layers has already yellowed a little, but the cover is thick enough that the contents should still be fine. She lifts the first page. Tucked inside is a photograph: a pink-haired woman holding a baby, smiling at the camera. Kikuzakura understands. There’s news of her parents in here, and the person in the photo is her mother. She keeps flipping. It’s a diary… a story from the past, unfolding before Kikuzakura page by page.

Last October in Beijing, when Fengniu Jushi Zhu Niubi treated me to guanchang at the Dongsi Minfang restaurant, he asked me a question: “Your blog’s pretty badass these days, huh?” “Badass my ass. There’s exactly one badass thing about my blog.” “Where?” “Open Google, search for the keyword ‘妹ぱらだいす2’, and see who’s first.” “Search for what? Ichimoto… what?” “It’s Japanese!” So I guided Zhu Niubi through searching “妹ぱらだいす2”, and after seeing the first result, even Zhu Niubi couldn’t help but marvel: “Badass, badass, badass. Truly badass.” “Right? That’s the one badass thing about my blog, though I don’t know how to explain it.”

There was once a god-tier game called Onii-chan, Migi-te no Shiyou o Kinshi Shimasu (お兄ちゃん　右手の使用を禁止します). The gimmick, the marketing, the selling points, the story and art — all of it had real punch. Even people who can’t read Japanese see that title and their imagination runs wild. Combined with that cursed OP, the game hit a height that year, even though it looks like a nukige on the surface… Honestly I don’t think it’s a nukige at all — it’s a pure love game. It even gives every heroine her own route and ending theme. Nukige don’t get that treatment… The company behind Onii-chan, Migi-te no Shiyou o Kinshi Shimasu is Galette, a sub-brand built specifically for siscon games. But this company is… how do I put it. Unlucky. First, two brands to keep straight: Galette and GLace. Galette exists to put out siscon games, GLace exists to put out story-driven ones. Going by the lineup, the company’s real focus is clearly the latter — making nukige is just a desperate cash grab to stay afloat. Who wouldn’t rather be highbrow… But the games GLace puts out are kind of tragic… I never played that Koikami thing they released earlier, no idea. I did play Timepiece Ensemble, and in short: a pile of shit. Later GLace hyped up their new title Amanosora Retrospect (天ノ空レトロスペクト), and after playing it I thought… it’s okay. The setup up front is interesting, but the entire second half has plenty of problems. Worse, even though I thought it was passable, the Japanese didn’t agree — ErogameScape tore it apart and panned it into a landmine. After that the brand was basically poison, so they put on a disguise and kept releasing, putting out Amanatsu Adolescence (甘夏アドゥレセンス). That game has… some redeeming qualities, but overall it’s still pretty garbage… So GLace, the brand supposedly dedicated to building a reputation with story games, has had every release panned into a landmine from day one, even under a new name. Zero reputation to speak of. Did GLace ever put out anything good? Yes! 1/2 summer! But unfortunately 1/2 summer was filed under the Alcot label, and although it later came back to GLace, nobody remembers it as a GLace game anymore. So in most of the industry’s memory, GLace games = landmines…

I haven’t played that many eroge, but I’ve played some. A few of them I’d call genuinely worthwhile, and plenty I’d call garbage. Even in the garbage there’s usually a pattern. Most of it comes from a planner or a writer trying to make a big splash, or forcing some baffling twist that ends up as a botched imitation of something better. The stuff that’s honestly made to cater to a specific taste rarely has these landmines. Siscon games, for instance. Siscon games are pure in their positioning and simple in their pacing. The protagonist is the older brother, the heroine is the little sister, or “little sisters.” Some flirting, and that’s about it. The occasional darker entry still doesn’t betray the core idea: showing “the little sister’s love for her brother.” However twisted it gets, it’s still love, right? Chopping off your brother’s head, dissecting him—that’s love too, isn’t it? Yandere is still a kind of dere. So for a long time I figured “playing a siscon game” could never go wrong. At worst it’d be dumb, or look silly, but it wouldn’t disgust you, right? Even if the system is boneheaded and the plot is idiotic, the little sister is innocent. The creator’s intention to give you a cute sister is not wrong, right? I’m not a siscon, but I can still find some comfort and warmth in these games. Say what you will, they’re honestly handing out sugar. Between siscon fans there’s nothing but resistance to social norms and mutual understanding—nothing like those otaku who spend all day hurting each other. It’s so full of love. To borrow a line from the famous internet personality “Crazy Bull Hermit”: “Siscon brothers are all friends.” Of course, there are no eternal friends—until I ran into Chitchana Hanayome.

Xuebi’s surname is Wang, and he’s the only son in the family. By “only son” I don’t mean anything special—it’s just that he’s the only boy in this household. Wang Xuebi’s mom runs an antique knick-knack shop, but she’s scary fertile. After popping out Wang Xuebi, she went on to have four girls in a row: Wang Asahi, Wang Sayo, Wang Mahiru, and Wang Yayoi. The four girls have completely different personalities, but they’ve got one thing in common—they inherited their mom’s genes, and each one is prettier than the last. Of course, as the only boy, i.e. the only big brother in the family, Wang Xuebi looks… a little unfortunate. Probably because his mother spoiled him rotten, Wang Xuebi’s waistline has gotten another ring around it lately, and he’s about to need a custom belt. His classmates all call him “fatty,” but Wang Xuebi doesn’t mind at all. He’s the eldest son, the only male—and more importantly, he has four pretty sisters. Even more importantly, all four of those pretty sisters are crazy about him. Wang Xuebi has never interacted with other women. He’s got four knockout girls right at home—why go out and get stuck in traffic? So whenever his female classmates give him a look of disgust, Wang Xuebi fires back a look of contempt. “Fatty, you’re so fat you’re dripping grease, it’s gross.” “I hear he’s a siscon too, always tangled up with his sisters.” “Last time Lin Xian, the guy next door to the fatty’s house, said he saw the fatso taking turns kissing his sisters! I almost threw up just thinking about it.” “Holy shit, for real?!” The chattering girls can’t hold back this explosive rumor any longer, and their shrill voices get even more piercing.

I was feeling down a while back, so I figured I’d play something to lift my mood. That’s when I came across the OP for “Haru Shiki Gentei Poco a Poco!” on YouTube — or more accurately, the OP sounded way too damn familiar, because it was on a music collection CD from some Angle Note thing I bought. I’d listened to it a ton of times without ever knowing it was this game’s OP. The OP is depressingly sad. You can tell the protagonist’s important person died and he can’t move past it. But then I looked up reviews and everyone was going on and on about what a fun, cheerful game it is. Whatever. I needed some comedy anyway, and once I saw the little sister’s CV, I was sold. So how was it… Is this game as sad as the OP, or as fun as the online reviews say? Turns out neither one’s wrong.

Oniichan Teacher ~Himitsu no Jugyou o Kibou Shimasu! is the latest entry in the Oniichan, Use of Your Right Hand Is Forbidden! line. Still one brother and a pile of sisters, but the cast is completely different this time. At best it’s a spiritual sequel…

The world is a colorful place. Sure, there’s plenty of darkness and things that don’t go your way, but none of it stops us from singing the praises of human goodness. Ricky Hsiao has a song called “You Are My Eyes.” It’s about a blind man who, with his lover’s support, sees the whole world through her eyes. He can’t see a thing himself, but as long as she’s beside him, the dazzling world still finds its way into his gaze. You are my eyes, leading me through the changing seasons. You are my eyes, leading me through the crowded throngs. You are my eyes, leading me to read the vast sea of books. Because you are my eyes, I see the world right here before me. The lyrics hit you right in the gut, they really do… Stories like this happen all the time. Today’s is another one that warms the heart.