Otaku with no girl, playing with his dick, Glasses-wearing handsome otaku, good with married women. Porn in the left hand, girls in the right, Zijing acts tough and gets struck by lightning. There’s this guy online who calls himself a fat otaku, name of Zijing. Dude’s handsome as hell, goes around banging cute girls every day, yet spends all day posting porn online and saying “women are all trash,” then goes back to rolling around in bed. This kind of flexing is just unbearable. Worst part, he swaps waifus daily. A while back he claimed he’d found his one true love, and soon after he set his claws on his “true love’s” little sister—in other words, his sister-in-law. As someone who drills Zijing’s sister-in-law every day, drilled all the way up to a district-level silver medal Player, I ended up buying Zijing’s sister-in-law anyway… In plain terms: “I bought the Xiao Qiao figure from Honor of Kings, and threw in her husband Zhou Yu’s while I was at it.” That normie Zijing keeps saying Da Qiao is his wife, so Xiao Qiao is his sister-in-law.

There are always people in this world finding ways to piss you off. Like a guy who’s ridiculously handsome, has a loli girlfriend, and spends his days cuddling and going at it, living a shameless life. And yet this same person goes online claiming to be a fat loser otaku, says all women are trash, and — get this — puts on this whole virgin-stench act. How obnoxious is that? Then he plays Honor of Kings, and what’s even more disgusting is he only uses female characters,理由是 they look good. Like some dead gay guy like “Meituan Wang Sicong” who could just play beefcake heroes and rank up, but no, he has to lose streak after streak with the girls. What kind of flex is that? To punish a show-off like this, relying on Zhu Niubi alone won’t do it. You’ve got to take action, like telling him: “Zijing, I bought your wife… ’s figure.”

My Pixel C’s screen shattered. I figured I’d find someone to repair it—maybe Google US could do a mail-in fix. So I contacted Google US support directly, went back and forth for ages, and they said it’s out of warranty, told me to find a technician in China Mainland myself. I said I don’t have the screen component, and they said “neither do we.” Fuck. What now? Guess I’ll buy a new one… Except there are basically no Android flagship tablets anymore! So in the end I bought this… Lenovo P8

Ranked matches in 王者荣耀 hadn’t been going well lately. Someone suggested I buy a “touchscreen” controller to improve the feel of the controls and boost my win rate, so I did. Taobao has way too many kinds of these things, so I bought every single type. Right now these products fall into three categories…