My libido’s been through the roof lately, and on top of that it’s been ages since I played a game with a genuinely cute heroine. Everything on my plate lately has had art that doesn’t do it for me and plots that are aggressively stupid. Then a thought surfaced: I wanna play a moe nukige. Like, right now. So I dug through my abandoned-games folder and pulled out Panical Confusion (パニカル・コンフュージョン). I’d actually downloaded this one ages ago and never touched it, because Japanese otaku didn’t rate it well. Most of what they said boiled down to “the art’s the only good thing about it,” so I kept bumping it down the priority list. But I’m not the same person I was back then. What I need right now is exactly this kind of moe nukige where the heroine is cute and bonable and there’s nothing else going on — plus heroine #1 is drawn by 白もち桜, so, y’know. So I opened it.

“Why did it end up like this… A perfectly good moe nukige brand, just like that, dead…”

When Onii-chan, Kiss no Junbi wa Mada desu ka came out, it looked hella familiar. First off, the title has the exact same sentence pattern as Onii-chan, Migite no Shiyou o Kinshi Shimasu. Looked it up—same planner, same artist in the mix, plenty of the same voice actors too. Only the company’s different. I remember Galette’s siscon series… oh wait, family series—the next one was supposed to be Onii-chan Teacher, but Onii-chan, Kiss no Junbi wa Mada desu ka is by Tinkle Position. Yeah, say that company name in katakana and you’re dangerously close to “chinbo.” Their mascot is literally a yellow dick with a smiley face. The promo and premise gave me massive déjà vu—it’s basically the head-pat gimmick from Onii-chan Teacher but with kissing. So I played it out of curiosity. Not because of the premise or content. Trust me. So how is it? All I can say is this game made me start reflecting on my life.

Oniichan Teacher ~Himitsu no Jugyou o Kibou Shimasu! is the latest entry in the Oniichan, Use of Your Right Hand Is Forbidden! line. Still one brother and a pile of sisters, but the cast is completely different this time. At best it’s a spiritual sequel…